United with Dan on a Mission

There had been two things on my bucket list for 2020: FCM and Japan. The anticipation for both had been great… When FCM fell through, it wasn’t too big a deal; surely there’d be another opportunity, but Japan!? (2020 / Early 2021)

I was distraught! Should I have stood my ground against everyone and gone to Japan? Did God have a purpose for me being there? I had felt so strongly to go! Had I done the right thing to stay? I was torn between the principles of honouring those who cared about me, and “When you follow me as my disciple, you must put aside your father, your mother, your wife, your sisters, your brothers; it will even seem as though you hate your own life. This is the price you’ll pay to be considered one of my followers.” (Luke 14:26 -The Passion Translation) I thought I had done the right thing by honouring those concerned for me, but was it the right thing? Self-doubt crept in, anger for not having gone to Japan, and guilt about possibly letting God down and not trusting Him  enough, mingled with maybe I was not meant to go after all… The future looked bleak. COVID was a much bigger deal than I’d first imagined. I was in a bad place and really didn’t know what to do. 

One morning I protested my situation to God. It seemed so unfair! Why was I stuck at home? It felt like I’d given up so much for Him; for the prospect of missions… Suddenly a memory of Scotland crossed my mind; that’s where I was given the prophecy that my time there was not yet over… I remember asking God that, if it was real, to bring Scotland up in a conversation with someone as confirmation. Later that day I got another splitting headache, I remember floating around in the swimming pool, trying to find some relief, moping and grumbling about how unfair life was. Where was God? How could I ever be reliable in any job situation with these headaches? Did God really care? I moped about Japan and so much more… Then my mother arrived back from shopping to tell me someone had asked how my Scotland plans were going. Wow! In bringing up that conversation, God had answered my prayer. He had shown me that Scotland was still meant to be. Yet even at that point I was still too caught up in my mess to properly notice God’s direction. It was only during prayer time a few days later that the Holy Spirit reminded me and I felt encouraged, yet we were still in lockdown and ‘locked in’ due to closed borders, so it would still be a while before I could focus on going back to Scotland. Half heartedly I resolved myself to get on with and complete the online Master TESOL course that I’d begun almost a year prior. TESOL would give me a tool for ministry – I could teach and empower people with English, while ministering the Gospel.

Sweden or France

On completing TESOL (mid 2020), I had hoped to gain some teaching experience at YWAM’s English Language School in Worcester, but unfortunately (mostly due to COVID) that also did not work out. I then began to look further abroad. Still wanting to do FCM (Foundations for Counselling Ministry) school, but having now also missed the April intake for the FCM school in France, I was happy to find a cheaper option in Linkoping Sweden due to begin in September. I had previously started learning Swedish. Doing a FCM there would be a great opportunity to improve my Swedish language proficiency. Sweden also happened to be one of the countries featured in the vision I had (at the beginning – Chapter 1), so I did not think strangely of it. I started to seek God’s will on the matter and honestly thought He said ‘yes’, so began making preparations. I contacted the Swedish base, tried to figure out visa requirements, etc., but long story short, it also did not work out. By September, South Africa’s borders were still closed. Then it dawned on me that if I had been in Japan, I would have been able to get to Sweden without a problem. Once again I began to mope … had I made a mistake?  Had I misunderstood God? Surely He’s got something for me this season? 

Referring again to the vision at the start of my ministry, I saw France after Scotland. Maybe I had missed what God had for me back in April… Maybe the ‘scary cost’ of FCM in France was a weakness on my part, not trusting God enough… At this point I had a growing desire to settle at a base somewhere and make it the place that I go and come from. In many ways France as a language and culture was also intimidating but, at that same time I had been doing a Bible Study (Word by Heart) on the book of Daniel, which I began to think of as my Babylon. So I made contact with some of the French bases asking around and getting details about being on full time staff there. To my surprise the staffing fees were cheaper there than in Scotland, but I would be expected to learn French. Great! Learning French was also on my bucket-list. Soon I discovered a base which I felt really drawn to: it was founded by a former South African, who like me had French Huguenot background and whose vision and calling for France was that of revival. This really resonated with me! Needless to say, I decided to join the staff in France (a 3 year commitment); I would go there in November 2020, do a 6 month French language school and be ready for 2021’s FCM school in France. The idea seemed perfect. BUT whilst the world was opening up for travel, South Africa did not. France passed me by. 

Plan B.

I decided to put the whole idea of being a missionary on hold; for now at any rate. I was frustrated with God and was seriously doubting my ability to hear His voice and if I was even ‘called to missions’. I started to give in and give up on the whole idea. So many people had told me it was ‘stupid’ and that I should just ‘get a proper job’. The fact that the ‘easy lifestyle’ I had planned for myself before YWAM was actually the single most difficult thing for me to give up for the prospect of missions, means the enemy knows it’s a weak point and a particularly easy place to prod. Plan B actually had two options: University or JET. Surely one of them would work! 

I applied to further my Psychology degree so that I could practice as a Psychologist. I also applied for the JET program (Japanese English Teacher) …but an even greater shock was that neither of these options worked out. I was horrified! With hindsight though, I am confident that God had His hand in both. While not succeeding in either of these areas seriously hurt my pride – it was for the better. But I was still stuck in the wilderness.

Scotland

Through all my frustration, the idea of Scotland had somehow been totally forgotten until one day, scrolling through Facebook, I saw a video update of a staff member from my DTS, two years prior (2018). In the meantime she’d become one of the base leaders. I messaged to congratulate her, this led to a video call to catch up all the news; she mentioned that they were looking for more staff in Scotland for various positions, as COVID had seen a number of staff members leave. I remembered that God had confirmed Scotland and missions earlier in the year, during the post-Japan episode. I remembered the prophecy from after my DTS that my “time in Scotland was not yet done”. Something snapped into place and with renewed zeal I sought God’s will and found no objection. The financial demand of ZAR to GBP, the base fees and cost of living remained something that intimidated me, but I began the application process anyway, and everything went relatively smoothly. Was I finally back on track? The excitement began to grow.