United with Dan on a Mission

We all knew that 2018 would be a year of change, but just how much change it would bring, we had no idea! It started off on a very different note. For the past few years, New Year had been celebrated with an all night LAN-party at our house. But this year was different. Nathan was away on outreach and Mom and Benji would be leaving on the 2^nd of January for SAJCC’s in Boksburg, so no New Year’s party. Instead, I would be alone at home – dog sitting – for 10 days. 2017 had ended on a high, with the making of happy memories, but 2018 started with a rollercoaster of extreme highs and extreme low. The lows consisted mostly of emotional upheaval paired with severe headaches, so intertwined, that it becomes hard to tell if the headaches are the cause or the consequence of the emotional upheaval, and while headaches have become pretty much a way of life since the bus accident, they sometimes increase in severity and become quite debilitating, causing me to feel extremely vulnerable, almost to the point of depression. They are a real weak point for me as my rational seems to fly away and the world becomes a blur.

The high would probably be the fact that through the lows, the family is drawn closer together, and the bond between us becomes stronger. I soon learned that Nathan had encountered and experienced the reality of demonic forces at work, in a very real way, while in Tanzania. Through much prayer and ‘spiritual warfare’ the demonic force that had attacked him, was defeated and fled, but was not happy with him… could that be the origin of the ‘lows’ the rest of the family started to experience shortly afterwards? If so, then the best would be to ‘fight fire with fire’.

“ Put on the whole armour of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.” (Ephesians 6: 11-12 KJV)

After Nathan returned from DTS and outreach, we regularly spent time together as a family, doing Bible Study together, and praying together – ‘Fighting fire with fire.’ Some time later, after one of these family Bible study sessions, I shared a vision that I thought I had had (This was all very new to me). I was incredibly sceptical about it, but felt led to share it anyway, as the realness was like nothing I had ever experienced before.

I was standing on a cliff, overlooking some mighty armies below. They were dressed in medieval / historical fantasy attire, very shiny armour.  The armies of Heaven… that was the kind of image it was. I was surrounded by a high council of 8 angels! I raised my right hand, the angel (front right) responded with a wave of a flag, it was followed by a horn blowing in the distance. Then the WHOLE army split in two; the right half turned and marched a little to the right (with such order and grace), so that there was a narrow space running down the centre between the two. The consciousness of everything around me was just so real, almost scary and very intimidating. I thought to myself, “who the heck am I to be standing up here doing this… especially with a high council of angels!?  Who am I, I can’t do this, it’s like blasphemy or something… Then an audible voice spoke from within me and said, “I made you above angels, and gave YOU charge over them.” There was absolutely no doubt in my mind that that was God who had said that; it was like the presence of God was within me. It was a wonderful experience that words can’t describe!

I shared my vision, even though my scepticism was shouting at me! I just didn’t know where it had come from, or what it meant. It was a mystery! I certainly hadn’t dreamt it, I didn’t daydream it, and it wasn’t a vision as I had experienced with Ryan. I deeply questioned it myself; it felt as if someone just copied a 4 or 5D video or something and placed it in my brain. I know it sounds outlandish; thinking about it makes me feel uneasy too, and sharing it in a safe environment was part of a coping mechanism in trying to make peace or deal with it. While still feeling stupid after sharing it, Nathan started asking me about where I was, and the cliff, in relation to the army, and what the scenery of the valley looked like… and then he said that while on his DTS, he had had a vision of the exact same place! The only difference is that he was one of the soldiers down on the front lines. In his vision, God himself came down the centre line in a chariot of fire, before leading the army against unworldly creatures ahead of us.

While it may seem shocking, a large part of me thought, “hah, he’s just making it up, adding to my story from what he knows; trying to be ‘cool’ or convince me or something”. But, apparently he had spoken about that experience with the other members of the family, before he left on outreach. So they added to the strength of his claims. I was uneasy! It wanted it to be ‘just a strange coincidence’ as that would be easier for me to process. But I just couldn’t shake it – the thoughts kept popping up, until I decided to ask Nathan a question. I steeled myself and said to God, something like, “if he can confirm this, then I promise I will just believe”. So I asked Nathan to describe to me what the cliff looked like, the colour of the rock and sand, the rock types and shapes, and whether the cliff was concave or convex and so on… and with each question that he answered correctly, I grew more and more convinced, until all I could do was just accept it. If he hadn’t had that same vision he couldn’t possibly know those things… Just what had happened, or why, I could not grasp?

Then one day, while busy with Word by Heart, something awful happened. I twisted my back. I was in such bad pain, it hurt to move and breathe! I lay down annoyed and frustrated, wondering for how long it would be a problem. Somewhere amongst all that negativity and irritation, I mumbled a prayer for healing, not expecting much. Suddenly, immediately afterwards, I realised the pain was gone. I was so surprised! I moved around carefully, tentatively making sure it wasn’t sore. A minute later I was running around the house like a mad man, telling and showing everyone what had just happened. I could move! The pain had gone! There was no doubt that I had just experienced another wonderful and undeniable encounter with God. The only explanation that can be, is that he healed me as a result of that prayer! Finally, it was my turn to experience something like that. Once again I had a, ‘no doubt it is God’ experience that I really wish everyone could have. Unfortunately, I hadn’t suddenly received the ‘gift of healing’ or something, that would allow me to pray for instant healing in others, (I tried) but it was still an undeniable experience and display to me, of God’s power and ability.

On the 25^th of June during praise and worship I felt lead to share Psalms 121… I had no idea why, I didn’t even know what it was. But after I checked on my phone I wrestled with myself whether it was actually right to stand up and share it. Once again: ‘who am I to do that and disrupt proceedings?’ Besides, I don’t want the attention, or to be like one of those who regularly do such things… I almost didn’t, but when a chance finally revealed itself, I spoke up. To my surprise one of the leaders said they had wanted to share the same piece of scripture, but couldn’t remember the whole thing and so had left it out. This was a nice realisation (and conformation), but it went further than that. The extract was: “The Lord is thy keeper: the Lord is thy shade upon thy right hand.” Since sharing it, it has become a central aspect of my journey. Every time I see my shadow, it reminds me that God is always with me; it allows me to talk to Him like a friend, and it has gone a long way in deepening my relationship with God. He is with you all the time, experiencing what you experience, He’s always there, He’s always watching over you, and with Him around, fear and worry have no place!.

After a ‘dry spell’ of travelling down into the valley between the mountain tops, not experiencing anymore ‘supernatural encounters’ with God for a while, and nearing the end of Word by Heart school, there was a praise and worship session during which I (finally) received another vision and got to experience an essence of God again! Yay!! Regularly from the 1^st of March so much had happened, I experienced so much of God, it was wonderful… and then came the dry patch of about 2- 4 weeks in which very little of significance happened. One of my regular prayers was to experience more of Him! It’s a wonderful experience and nothing else can quench or match up to it! Then suddenly I received another vision! I saw a small flower, surrounded by a beautiful green field of lush grass. But there was just one flower. Over time the grass around it started to go brown and wither. These events started taking a toll on the flower. A tumble weed appeared from nowhere and blew past, and suddenly the flower was all alone surrounded by a dry, flaky and harsh desert. But it stood strong. I had almost zero interpretation of what it meant. So after thinking and speaking about it, Cristina mentioned that she had also ‘seen’ a flower during worship. The flower she described was the same flower, and it had a beautiful fragrance. It’s not the whole picture but I’ve gathered these things about it: The Red / Pink flower had a strong resemblance to the Sakura flower of Japan. Since in high school I started learning Japanese as a hobby and intended to move there as an English teacher after I completing my studies, so it had significance. It’s easy to stay strong when people are around you and support you (the grass). But if / when the time comes that I am alone, I must steel myself and take confidence in God, and despite what may happen, I must keep my ‘fragrance’ good for God. The lone flower in both situations relates strongly to the essence of a leader, and as the flower remains strong when others fail… so I should strive to remain good in a bad world, to be a light and a beacon to others like that flower is to life in the desert. There may be a test, and while everyone else around me dries out, if I remain rooted in God, I will remain strong. Like the flower of Japan, the tumbleweed may represent a YWAM base on the Ranch in the States, that I recently heard about and that had greatly appealed to me. I’m not sure, but for now I must put my trust in God to lead and direct my steps.